I’m kind of diggin’ the glasses. And I’m kind of not. I half like them and I half don’t.
I got to thinking this morning I saw Johnny Depp (sexiest dude alive?) on a picture with the exact same glasses and with the same groovy hats that I usually wear. I felt a little better.
Except my ass ain’t no Johnny motherfucking Depp.
Hold the horse’s cowboy.
They (being the glasses) offer a different view of me. But I like it. Sometimes.
Fuck the glasses, let’s get to the real reason I’d feel insecure (imagine that).
My teeth. Notice how I don’t show them here? Yep!
My fucking goddamn “used to be perfect but I didn’t wear my retainer” teeth suck ass. They blow. My smile sucks. They are protruding out of my mouth like a goddamn reject. And they are getting worse by the day.
Enough is enough BIOTCH (Snoop Dogg said).
I went to an Orthodontist today and got the consultation. I got the impressions of my teeth. They gave me the x-rays. And I heard the talk on how narrow my upper jaw is.
Then that motherfucker laid it down the hard way.
“Hey Doc, how much is this going to cost, G” (I didn’t really say “G”)
“Oh, 6000 bucks, but …………………………..”
The rest was a blur. I tuned him out and saw the dollars floating out of my wallet like angels floating towards the heavens.
But, hello straight teeth? HELL YEAH.
But- fucking lord on earth if you have any sense how can you allow this really cool man to charge my really equally cool ass so much money to fix my fucked up teeth.
Well fuck it I’m doing it. Dude and his killer hot girl staff wants 20% down payment and a 24 month payment on the remainder on those bad boys. Yes – that’s right. Dude-doctor said I’d have to wear the fucking braces for TWO YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOLY JESUS CAN WE GET MORE “TEENAGER”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m a fulltime single dad bucko, can I really wear braces at the age of 31?
And they are going on my teeth in about 2 months once their entire doctor plan out tests bullshit play out.
I’m paying the money. I’m doing it.
And let me say this.
I’m bad. I was going to go for a second opinion. I mean get a second opinion on cost and possible use of “Invisalign” which he said I wasn’t a candidate for. Maybe get a better price somewhere else? See what the rest of the orthodontist world thought of my stupid teeth?
His HOTTIE ASS staff with the one girl in particular really sparked my bubble like no other.
Wow to the girl who gave me the x-rays. Hey baby I’m Ryan, what ya doin Saturday night you hot stuff.
Okay I didn’t say that. I kept it real. But when she was putting the shit in my mouth making me BITE DOWN on some plastic piece of shit and I’m looking straight at her 25 year old hottie pre-orthodontist eyes, I knew I wanted to come back to this guys office for 2 years.
Haha, I swear I am SO gentlemanly in my ways with girls its not even funny. But I am a thirty-one year old single guy and ON THE PROWL. (giggle)
So Doctor “65-year-old” Parker won me over with his hot staff. I’m back. I’m doing it. I’m putting on your 6000-dollar braces for a SECOND TIME (first time I didn’t wear my retainer). And I can’t wait to correct this shit and make it right.
For the record, I’m paying an extra 600 bills to do the clear braces. Waste of money? Maybe. I spend 2 years of my life with these fuckers on my teeth. Maybe not?
I guess you’ll see around June if I’m still taking self-portraits.
I love you all.
April 16th, 2009
Tagged: , 365 , 365days , me , self , selfportrait , ryan , inspiration , cheerios , yellow , shirt , umbrella