If you’ve been dumped, you’re left feeling hurt, sad and angry, this article is for you. Most people have experienced a break up at some time during their life. Often people feel the pain and suffer in silence and then, eventually just move on.
As a psychotherapist who specializes in working with couples and individuals around relationship issues, it disappoints me that there are so many of what I would call “unnecessary” break ups. Of course there are people who just aren’t meant to be together for a variety of reasons, and in these cases it makes sense to break up. But the truth is that there are fewer people who really are incompatible than we would think. In fact, based on my experience in private practice, I believe around 90% of all relationship break ups could actually be reversed if the people involved knew what they needed to do to move past their issues and reconnect.
In fact, I would actually go as far as to say that the break up process can actually be a crucial step in taking the relationship to a new level and creating a stronger bond with each other. But unfortunately, in our current society, most of us don’t have access to the tools to get our ex back or to help us get back together.
If you’ve recently experienced a break up and you’re asking yourself “how do I get my ex back?”, or even if you’re asking yourself “can I get my ex back?”… Don’t give up hope quite yet! There are some things you can do. If you’re willing to put the time in and work to create an even better relationship with your ex than you had before, there are some great strategies and resources that you can use to get back together. At the bottom of this article I’ll talk about a great resource that will show you the step-by-step processes you can use to get your ex back… But for now here are some great steps to get you started on the process:
1. Consider why you’ve broken up…
Many people who have broken up are so focused on getting back together that they don’t really consider why their relationship ended. Take time out to really think about what went wrong in the relationship. Was it that you weren’t giving each other what was needed? Had one of you shut down and stopped communicating or being vulnerable with the other? Did it feel like there was a wall between you that was blocking your love? Had you lost the passion in your connection? Really take time to think about what lead to the break up. This is an important first step because unless you understand what went wrong, should you get back together, you might repeat the same problem again.
2. Give both yourself and your ex some space…
Think of the break up as a transitional space that you’re currently in. Don’t get all “doom and gloom” about it, even though you’re hurting and sad (which is understandable). Right now your job is to accept that this is where your relationship is at. You can’t change it, so the best you can do is just accept it for the time being. I know this probably sounds like it goes against getting your ex back, but believe me, it’s an important part of the process. You could even think of this situation as a new phase in the same relationship, but with different rules, rights and expectations.
Take time out to let yourself just accept where it is. Accept your pain and your hurt feelings, but don’t let them make you desperate or needy of your ex.
3. Don’t ignore them or avoid them…
Often we just want to avoid our ex and, on some secret level, by doing so punish them for hurting us and making us feel so bad. Punishing our ex, even though we’re feeling angry and hurt, is never okay. So I have one word for you about this: “Don’t!” If you run into them somewhere that you both go to, such as the gym, or a cafe, don’t just ignore them or avoid them. Put on a brave face (not cheery and too over the top one), but a brave and confident face and just say “hi”. Smile at them and show them that while you don’t like the situation, you accept their decision right now. Show them that you still respect and like them, even though you’re hurting.
Don’t be desperate or needy in front of them because this can push them away. If you’re honestly sorry about something you’ve said or done, take time out to make a genuine apology, but this is something that needs to be handled in the right way and at the right time, or it can go horribly wrong.
4. Be kind to yourself…
After a break up it’s crucial to take care of yourself. Don’t go into hibernation mode or hide. Take on a new project (or two) and actually plan to get yourself back out there and back into your life. This is a time to look after yourself. One good thing you can do, which is crucial anyway, is to focus on your health by exercising a bit more and eating healthily! These are actually important steps that you need to do if you really want to get your ex back.
So that’s a start, some things you can think about right away. Of course it’s only the beginning.. There is more road to be covered if you really want to get back with your ex.